Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
