god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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