He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
