You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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