It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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