I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
