I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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