Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
