to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
