aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
