It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
