I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
