i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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