U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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