All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I believe in your delicious
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
