My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
