he thought i was a dude.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
