Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
