I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
