The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
