I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
