he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
