i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
