remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
