You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize