it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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