a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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