Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
