remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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