you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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