even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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