i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
