Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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