Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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