At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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