remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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