Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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