I will die if light touches me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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