I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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