If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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