why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wear drunk well.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
