a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
