I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize