We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
