you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
