So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish they made helmets for livers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
