my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
