My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
