her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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