Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
