apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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