a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
