Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize