Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
