it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
