I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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