I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize