Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
