I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
