He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
