If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
