your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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