I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
