threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
