i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
