my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
