how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
