the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she told me i tasted like america
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
